How to spend Christmas alone

For the first time in my life, I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day by myself. I know it sounds horrible and lonely. But I chose to be alone. I decided back in November that I would leave town and be as far away from home for this Christmas holiday. I needed to put distance between myself and my life. 

I thought maybe my older daughter would come around before now. I thought for sure she would realize she needed me and figure out she wanted me in her life. It didn't happen. I have not heard from her. She even graduated from nursing school earlier in December. But I wasn't invited. You needed a ticket in order to attend. So I figured I would put as much distance between me and her, my son-in-law and grandchildren. I couldn't be so physically close to them and not be able to see them for Christmas. 

Another reason why I wanted to leave town for the holidays was so I wasn't so close to my ex-husband. It's easy to be sucked back in and I didn't want to be close enough to do something I would regret. Like go to his house on Christmas day. Or invite him over, again, and be turned down, again. 

So I got into my vehicle on Monday, December 23rd and drove all the way to Florida in one day. 

Of course I had to stop at Buc-eee's on the way!

My friend that I was coming to visit wasn't even in Florida. She and her children had gone to Texas to visit the girls' dad. I drove over eighteen hours and only stopped three times for gas, food and to use the bathroom. I listened to A Court of Frost and Starlight during the first part of the trip. Then I moved onto A Court of Silver Flames, both Sarah J. Maas. These books helped me focus on something other than the fact I was driving so many hours out of town. It was extremely helpful for this trip.

On Christmas Eve, I had to go shopping so I could have food. 

 

Everything tastes better in Florida! 

As my friend said, Palm trees make everything better!!!

I also finally found somewhere that had firewood for a bonfire. I ended up having a delicious salad for dinner. I also put together a french toast bake for Christmas morning. It was amazing to sit outside on Christmas Eve at a bonfire. 

The weather was a tad chilly but with a small blanket it was perfect! I also played Christmas music while I was sitting out there. On Christmas morning, I made a small pot of coffee and baked the French toast bake. I sat on the couch and watched Christmas movies all day long! It was such a quiet and peaceful day. And that was all I wanted. There have been so many holidays with fights and arguments. I just want peace in my heart and soul.

I felt bad that I left because my son was alone. He does live in the same house with my ex-husband but they do not really hang out. My son is a loner for the most part. And he was okay with me going out of town. My younger daughter and son-in-law were in town for the holiday. They were staying with her in-laws at their house. They came over to my apartment on Sunday evening with Missy, my grand puppy. I also felt bad about leaving because they were in town. But I'll be honest, I needed to do this for myself. I needed to leave town to protect myself. I needed to leave to help give myself the opportunity to enjoy my holiday break and recharge before heading back to school in January. I just needed to take this trip for myself. I'm sure many will think me selfish for leaving them during the holiday. But I have to do what I need to do in order to continue to heal and move forward.

Now, I wasn't completely alone. I was dog and cat sitting. Brownie was a wonderful, needy companion. She sat outside with me for the bonfire. She would sit with me on the couch and watch the movies. She also took a four hour nap with me on Thursday before they got home. I finally had to wake her up so I could use the bathroom! 

How was your Christmas? Ever been alone for the holiday?

What are your plans for the new year? More on that for me in my next post! 

Continue learning and if you can be anything, be kind.

❤Patti❤