Loving life, yesterday, today and tomorrow!

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

Why do we think life has to match a Hallmark movie?

Or matching the amazing family next door?

Keeping up with the Joneses has always been a problem for many. They have nice houses and cars, go on vacations, and so many other things! But we are stuck in a rut and feel broke all the time! We truly do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

So instead of comparing ourselves, let's be happy with what we have.         

Love our children as they are. Love our house as it is. Love our family, no matter what! Take things as they are. If we want something different, then we need to work on changing it. 

This saying is posted in my dining room to remind me to do more of the things I love!

Life is so short and we do not get a second chance. We need to live life to the fullest and be happy even in the darkest times. How do we do that? Well, start small. Pick something you can control. When you wake up repeat positive affirmations to yourself before you even get out of bed or when you are taking a shower. Things like, "Today is going to be a great day" or "I am going to make the best of what I have". Before you go to bed at night repeat things like, "Today wasn't perfect, but I made the best of it" or "Tomorrow is going to be even better". This will help you end your day with thinking positive and wake up thinking positive. I have even posted positive notes on my bathroom mirror. I see them first thing in the morning and they are the last thing I see when I go to bed.

This is my most recent quility I completed. It is called Autumn Wonders. I absolutely love it and I am so proud of it! I cannot wait to use it next fall!

Just by trying to changing one thing at a time. For the next week focus on positive morning and night time thoughts. And then get back to me on how you are feeling after a week?

What do you do to try to love life in spite of the every day problems and hassels?

Please check out my new website. I created a new blog and plan on created many more fun and interesting things to help us all to love ourselves more! Loving yourself 

Continue learning and if you can be anything, be kind.

❤Patti❤

Why do people do the things they do?

If you read my most recent blog post, you know my son was in a snowmobile accident last week. We are going home today. Thank you to all the friends, family and strangers that have prayed for him and continue to do so. 

I’ve been 4 hours from home and my support system. I’ve been through a lot in my 51 years. I’ve lost both my parents. My older daughter had a medical scare a few years back. She was having horrible head aches and the pain would just not break. I remember driving her and her husband around that day from Dr and hospital to Dr and hospital. It was a terrible, long and stressful day. Fortunately, once they finally broke the migraine she was okay, thankfully. At least for my daughter, the fix or discovering of what was wrong happened in a day. Fast forward to last Saturday. With my son’s injuries, dealing with major back surgery, and getting the pain under control has been something out of a nightmare. Honestly, the longest and hardest week of my life. And I’m here alone. No other family members. No friends near by. I’ve only lost my shit once where I couldn’t stop crying. I called a close friend and she talked me through it. I just asked her to distract me and talk about anything to get my mind off what was going on around me. She was absolutely amazing and helped me get past the meltdown. We all need people like her in our life. A couple of X-rays of my son’s new hardware. Fourteen screws and two rods to stablize the two fractures.

I’ve mentioned in a different post that I am estranged from my older daughter. Well, because of everything that has been going on we have been texting and talking. I can’t tell you how much it has healed my heart to hear her voice. She even told me that my grandson wanted her to tell me that he had waffles with peanut butter and syrup on them. That small act and information healed even more of my heart.  My son lives with my ex-husband and originally my son was going to go back to his house. My son is buying the house from my ex-husband. But my son decided he wanted to come home to my apartment instead of staying with his step dad. It was his choice. Now my daughters and ex-husband are upset with me that he is coming to my apartment. Why? What would make them think it’s okay to be upset about what my son wants? I don’t think my older daughter will come visit my son while he is at my apartment. Can someone explain this to me? Why can’t we just all be adults and understand it’s about my son, not us? So here I am trying to hold myself together and deal with this scary situation then this. Why would anyone for any reason want to add to that? I’m just at a loss. 

A friend said that between my son and I, we know what’s best for him. And the other nonsense doesn’t matter. So that is what I’m trying to focus on. The nonsense doesn’t matter. Taking care of my son and following what he wants is what matters. 

My son doing a sudoko puzzle. It was wonderful that he could even concentrate on it!

Can you help me understand their side of the situation? Can you help me see it through their eyes and have compassion or empathy for them?

We are going home today and I had to clear off a tad bit of snow off my car before I could drive it.

Here is a Gofundme page for donations to help my son. https://gofund.me/f00e2461 Thank you!

Continue learning and if you can be anything, be kind.

❤Patti❤

Getting past obstacles

Life sure throws curve balls. It knows how to keep you on your toes and make you pay attention. That’s what the last 5 days have been like. 

I have three beautiful and wonderful children. They have always been the apple of my eye. Through out the years of them growing up, they were my reason to get out of bed many days. Their smile or hug were the best things since sliced bread. They could make me proud just by saying please and thank you to a stranger. Children have no idea how much better they make your life with the little things. 

Well Saturday, my son was snowmobiling. He hit a rock that was covered by a snow drift. He called me from the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Of course he kept insisting he was fine. But he was already drugged up with pain meds. I was three hours away. I immediately took my laundry out of the washers and dryer at the laundry mat and went home. I packed bags and kept waiting to hear back from him. After about 45 minutes, I decided I wasn’t going to wait any longer and left. 

While I was driving he finally called back. He was being transferred to a better hospital with neurologist specialist. So that added another hour onto my drive. He called me from the ambulance again. Found out at that time he had broken ribs, contusions on his ribs and a small puncture in his lung. Also, he had back pain. To make a longer story short, he had broken two vertebraes. He had surgery yesterday and had 14 screws  and two rods to stablize his spine. 

I had been reading the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. Have you read it? I recommend doing so. Thank you to my friend who recommended it to me. As I’ve gotten older, I have begun to read self help books. Things that will make me a better person. Either by given me things to improve myself or learning how others live. Then modeling those things. This book is both of those. If there is anything I’ve learned in my 52 years, life is short. In a blink of an eye, everything, and I mean, everything can change. So take that trip. Tell that loved one how much you love them. Thank those people you need to thank. Apologize if you need to apologize. And not only the I’m sorry but apologize. By sincerely telling that person you are sorry for hurting them and ask what you can do to make it better. It’s never to late to be better than you were yesterday. And honestly, today, right now is a perfect time to start that.

So my son is improving and I’m pretty sure, as of this afternoon, he has broken through the pain. He was the most coherent this afternoon and evening than he has been since his surgery on Tuesday. He even did a sudoko puzzle. We played several different iPhone games against each other during and after his dinner.  

Do all the things because tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us. I’m grateful because my son will make a full recovery. Now that the pain is under control and we get the okay, we will go home. We will live another day to annoy the hell out of each other. We will be able to go to a hockey game or have dinner together. So many do not have that chance after accidents like this. 

No pictures. No fancy words. Just do the things. Don’t wait.

Continue learning and if you can be anything, be kind.

❤Patti❤

New year, new life! Improve you!

 I am heading into this new year with a new mindset. I have always struggled with my weight and taking care of myself. Over the years I have always enjoyed exercising. I played sports in high school and even college. In the fall of 2014, I started running and fell in love with it!

My daughter and I at one of our many half marathons!

And one of my best friends at our yearly Charlevoix race!

One of our many group runs!

I had consistently ran for many years. I even had a running streak (running at least a mile every day) for over five years. But I was not great at weight training or yoga, but I loved cardio! I even participated in two different distances of triathlons, sprint and Olympic distances. I even attempted a half ironman. 

My tri-partner in crime!

 

But then I had Covid in March of 2021, tore my meniscus later that November and had knee surgery in 2022, I have lost my consistency for working out. I finally cancelled my membership to our local YMCA because I was not using it. I can't remember the last time I walked through those doors! So here I am trying to fall back in love with working out. 

I recently started hiking and even backpacking.

My daughter and I hiking in the upper peninsula of Michigan.

I have a trip scheduled for right after we get out of school in June to hike in the northern mountains of Spain. I'm going by myself and I am extremely excited! I just need to get my body moving. I need to weight train and work on my cardio! 

Here in lies the problem, I get started and workout for a couple of days in a week. Then it stops for the next week and sometimes even two weeks. I went out for a walk the day after I got to Florida and it took at least a mile to feel decent with just walking around the neighborhood! I did three miles that day. But since then, I've only gone out again one time while I was at Blue Springs Park. I love walking and being outside, even when it rains on me. Just like it did while I was walking at Blue Springs Park. 

It's not motivation that is the problem, it is discipline. I had so much discipline before 2021 and all the stuff that came with it. But since then it has been so hard to get it back. I usually do the bare minimum to get by for different challenges I set for myself. I have done the twenty mile Mammoth March that is in August at Stoney Creek Park. I went with some amazing ladies to the Porcupine Mountains in the upper peninsula of Michigan. We did a four day backpacking trip. 

Lake of the Clouds in Porcupine Mountains

These pictures are from our backpacking trip to Porcupine mountains.

There are so many places I want to go hiking or backpacking. I just need to find discipline to allow myself to do the many, many things I would like to do.

So my plan for the new year is to give myself grace, compassion and understanding in this health journey. I do not "diet" but work on a healthy lifestyle. And that includes not just cardio exercise but weight training as well. I do not expect myself to be perfect with my exercise or healthy eating but I do want more good days than not so good days. Here we go for a new year with an improved me because I do not need a new me. Just a better than I was yesterday me. 

What are your health and fitness goals for yourself in the new year?

How do you plan on being better than you were yesterday?

Continue learning and if you can be anything, be kind.

❤Patti❤

How to spend Christmas alone

For the first time in my life, I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day by myself. I know it sounds horrible and lonely. But I chose to be alone. I decided back in November that I would leave town and be as far away from home for this Christmas holiday. I needed to put distance between myself and my life. 

I thought maybe my older daughter would come around before now. I thought for sure she would realize she needed me and figure out she wanted me in her life. It didn't happen. I have not heard from her. She even graduated from nursing school earlier in December. But I wasn't invited. You needed a ticket in order to attend. So I figured I would put as much distance between me and her, my son-in-law and grandchildren. I couldn't be so physically close to them and not be able to see them for Christmas. 

Another reason why I wanted to leave town for the holidays was so I wasn't so close to my ex-husband. It's easy to be sucked back in and I didn't want to be close enough to do something I would regret. Like go to his house on Christmas day. Or invite him over, again, and be turned down, again. 

So I got into my vehicle on Monday, December 23rd and drove all the way to Florida in one day. 

Of course I had to stop at Buc-eee's on the way!

My friend that I was coming to visit wasn't even in Florida. She and her children had gone to Texas to visit the girls' dad. I drove over eighteen hours and only stopped three times for gas, food and to use the bathroom. I listened to A Court of Frost and Starlight during the first part of the trip. Then I moved onto A Court of Silver Flames, both Sarah J. Maas. These books helped me focus on something other than the fact I was driving so many hours out of town. It was extremely helpful for this trip.

On Christmas Eve, I had to go shopping so I could have food. 

 

Everything tastes better in Florida! 

As my friend said, Palm trees make everything better!!!

I also finally found somewhere that had firewood for a bonfire. I ended up having a delicious salad for dinner. I also put together a french toast bake for Christmas morning. It was amazing to sit outside on Christmas Eve at a bonfire. 

The weather was a tad chilly but with a small blanket it was perfect! I also played Christmas music while I was sitting out there. On Christmas morning, I made a small pot of coffee and baked the French toast bake. I sat on the couch and watched Christmas movies all day long! It was such a quiet and peaceful day. And that was all I wanted. There have been so many holidays with fights and arguments. I just want peace in my heart and soul.

I felt bad that I left because my son was alone. He does live in the same house with my ex-husband but they do not really hang out. My son is a loner for the most part. And he was okay with me going out of town. My younger daughter and son-in-law were in town for the holiday. They were staying with her in-laws at their house. They came over to my apartment on Sunday evening with Missy, my grand puppy. I also felt bad about leaving because they were in town. But I'll be honest, I needed to do this for myself. I needed to leave town to protect myself. I needed to leave to help give myself the opportunity to enjoy my holiday break and recharge before heading back to school in January. I just needed to take this trip for myself. I'm sure many will think me selfish for leaving them during the holiday. But I have to do what I need to do in order to continue to heal and move forward.

Now, I wasn't completely alone. I was dog and cat sitting. Brownie was a wonderful, needy companion. She sat outside with me for the bonfire. She would sit with me on the couch and watch the movies. She also took a four hour nap with me on Thursday before they got home. I finally had to wake her up so I could use the bathroom! 

How was your Christmas? Ever been alone for the holiday?

What are your plans for the new year? More on that for me in my next post! 

Continue learning and if you can be anything, be kind.

❤Patti❤

Rejection, the internal pain it causes

 

I had a special order from a craft show I did in November. It was for a large purple bag. Purple happens to be my favorite color as well as my customer. I put off making it. For several weeks. And I couldn’t figure out why. Then as I was working hard at getting it done before I left for a vacation, I realized why. Rejection. My fear of it. My fear of someone not liking what I made. The fear she would ask for her money back. The fear it wouldn’t be good enough. The fear I wasn’t good enough at sewing. I’ve always been a procrastinator. My. Entire. Life. And now I know why. It has been from a fear of being rejected. By my teachers in school and college. I put off every writing assignment, reading a book, and studying for a test because I was afraid of being rejected. I would take the grade to heart. I would feel bad about myself for that bad grade. Like the grade was a reflection of me. If someone didn’t like something I did or said, that meant they didn’t like me. 

My recent divorce was a result of this fear, too. I would reject him before he rejected me. I have always latched onto anyone that showed me any sort of attention. Which is part of why I’ve been married three times. I’m pretty sure that fear of rejection goes back to my childhood, yes Freud, my mother. She was a wonderful person. She helped others in need. She had three boys early in her marriage. My brothers were like Irish triplets, born within a year of each other. The oldest in August and the other two in September. Then several years later, my sister was born. My mom was happy. She was satisfied. But little did she know, I came along two years later. I never really bonded with my mom because she had her tubes tied after my birth. Back then, she was in the hospital for several days after that type of surgery. So I bonded with my dad. I always felt closer to my dad than my mom. And I never understood why. But in January of the year my mom passed away, she explained all of this to me. She never really apologized for how she treated me growing up but I did find peace and forgave her before she passed away. See, we never got along. I was too much like her and she really didn’t want me. Now, don’t get me wrong, she loved me. I just never felt like I belonged. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in at the family. Hence why I fear rejection. I’m not saying it’s her fault by any means. It is just how I felt and still fear from growing up that way. 

There have been many things through out adulthood that I’ve worked on. And now I’m working on dealing with this fear of rejection. If I’ve learned anything, I'vs learned that I cannot control how others react or behave. Not even my children. I’ve gone through rough times with all three of my adult children. The most recent is my oldest. She has decided to cut me out of her life and that includes my grand children. And I can’t change her mind. I realize that no matter what I do, I will not be able to change her mind. Talk about major rejection. Talk about pain to my core. When a child you brought into the world, loved, taken care of their entire life, chooses to not speak to you or see you, that rips a part of you that is impossible to repair. But I have to remember, that’s her choice. I know I’m not perfect. I’ve never been a perfect mother. I’ve made mistakes and apologized for them. I will never be perfect. And to be expected to be perfect is setting me up for failure. So in order to survive this, I have to realize that this is her choice and I can’t change it. Her rejection of me has to do with her own fear of rejection. I’m afraid I passed that fear on to all three of my children. It just comes out in different ways for each of them. 

So, I get up every day and go about my business. I make plans. I plan trips and vacations. I go to work. I continue to live myself. I sit at home alone watching Christmas Hallmark movies. I read whenever I have time. I sew and make things. I move on with my life. Her rejection will not break me. I am too strong for that. I can only hope and pray that someday, she will find it in her heart to forgive me. Hopefully it will be when I’m still alive and we will have many years together. 

What are you most afraid of?

How do you handle your fear? How have you overcome it?

Talk to you next time!

❤Patti❤

Weekend trip, wedding, and lost love

This weekend was a blast!!! You know those friends that you rarely see but pick up where you left off? Those ones you feel comfortable being stupid, silly and ridiculous with? That was this weekend. They are wonderful, real and hilarious! Charles chauffeured us around like a champ and was amazing putting up with our dumb selves! 

Santa, me, Bonnie, Charles and Amanda

Of course I had to make the weekend interesting by forgetting the dress I bought for the wedding....Yes, I do things like this often. When my children were younger I really could not get mad at them for forgetting things for school because that would have been something I would have done! 🙋 So once we arrived in Traverse City, we hit three resale shops for me to find a dress. We finally found one at the Goodwill Store. While I was looking for a sweater or jacket to wear over the short sleeve dress, my friends not only found me a sweater, but necklace and earrings to match. The funny thing is that the Color Street nails I brought to wear matched my outfit perfectly!!! Granted, it wasn't my green velvety dress I ordered off Amazon, but hey, I looked pretty good (if I do say so myself!).

We started off the day of the wedding having lunch at Don's Drive In. We were kind of bummed that they didn't have breakfast. But their food is delicious, so we didn't complain! LOL Food is food, right?!?! Then we walked around and looked in a few shops in Traverse City. After a few hours of walking around and window shopping, we headed back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding.

Me, Bonnie, and Amanda

Amanda, Bonnie and I

I also got a tattoo as well! I love butterflies!! They have been a symbol for me since my first divorce: freedom. I am free once again.

The wedding was beautiful! The bridal party was stunning in there sparkly dresses and navy blue suits. The colors were rose gold and navy blue. The bouquets and boutonnieres were so gorgeous and special! My friend Deb’s daughter got married in Traverse City. It was a perfect destination wedding.

Me, Bonnie and Amanda

Kayla and Sawyer (Bride and groom)

They had a photo booth!! We had so much fun with that!!!

There was a brief moment (like 10 seconds) that I was sad I was there without my husband. Well, I guess I should write my ex-husband as our divorce was final last month. But it is so new that its hard to get used to. A slow song was being played and I was walking off the dance floor. My heart sank as I did so but then I remembered that I'm good. Yes, there are times I wish he was there. But life goes on. I'm happy being on my own. I'm happy with the life I'm living. I love myself enough to want to have peace. So I continue to move on with my life.

And I am already planning my next adventure!

Where have you gone for destination weddings?

Ever been to Traverse City?

How did you move on after a failed relationship?

Talk to you next time!

❤Patti❤